The Grief of Leaving MLM
By Megan Williams, LPC author of Cutting Ties: Healing from MLM
All life transitions bring grief-based emotional processing, even joyful ones. Leaving the MLM industry has several types of grief processes that come with that decision. Some of them are easy to identify- loss of friendships, loss of finances, loss of an idealistic dream. And some may not be so obvious. These look like a loss of identity, feeling like a failure, acting against your values, and loss of time. No matter what the grief process looks like for you, many of the components of that healing will look the same.
Many people are familiar with the emotional components of grief introduced by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. These include numbness/denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, and acceptance. They are not linear and not everyone experiences them in the same order or same way. Sometimes one of these grief emotions will resolve and then come back for a second, third, or fourth round depending on different life circumstances that occur after the initial loss. A person can even experience different grief emotions related to different losses experienced under the umbrella of a larger loss. For example, the larger grief process related to leaving a multi-level marketing company and a smaller grief process inside that related to the loss of friendships.
To move through the grieving process and find closure and healing around the experienced loss, it’s important to do what J.W. Worden calls Tasks of Mourning. These tasks assist with closure and help avoid feeling stuck in the grief process.
The first task is to accept the loss. It can be hard to find acceptance in a loss that doesn’t feel like a traditional loss. If you have not completed the exercises in the first section of this book, they are a great starting point to begin understanding the level of loss you experienced as a result of your participation in MLM and what you have lost through leaving. The toughest loss we experience as humans is one related to our identity and sense of self.
Start by making a list of all the losses you experienced in your MLM journey. This may include financial loss, relationship loss, mental/physical health losses, identity losses, and lost opportunities. Also include things you sacrificed to participate in MLM (i.e. quitting school, giving up a hobby, not going to family events, missing milestones for your children/loved ones, etc.).
The second task of mourning is to acknowledge the pain caused by the loss. In leaving MLM, you may have initially felt relief, empowerment, and other positive emotions. However, it may take time to work through the pain of leaving behind friends, your only source of perceived income, community, perceived opportunity, and coming to terms with how you may have violated your value system
Moving into the third task of mourning which is to adjust to the new environment. This may mean feeling uncomfortable during interactions with former participants in the MLM or customers, it may mean detoxing from social media outlets, it may mean finding new things to fill the time previously spent on the MLM. One thing that can be cathartic is to develop a plan to purge your home of products or supplies that you no longer need. Some folks even do a social media scrub of all MLM-related posts that they can find.
Brainstorm ideas of how you may want to deal with leftover products or supplies that you want to remove from your home. If they are products you want to continue using, make peace with holding on to them. If you want to replace items, there are websites and social media groups that can provide you with dupes (and trying out new things can be exciting and an adventure to find the perfect replacement).
The final task of mourning is to find ways of investing in a life without the loss. For someone leaving a high-pressure group like MLM, we need to look at what problems were attempted to solve with MLM and what strengths you developed while participating. This will help guide setting goals for the future if you don’t already have a solid set of life goals that you are working toward. Identify strengths you developed while in MLM and things you feel like you would want to continue doing now that you are no longer a part of the MLM company.
No matter your pathway out of the MLM industry, you can find healing and hope in a variety of ways. It is important to remember that your MLM identity does not define you and that it takes time to undo the indoctrination that these companies engage in. Be gentle with yourself and know that your healing journey is unique for you and won’t look like anyone else’s.
